Pete Hoffmeister has eaten out of garbage cans, hates children’s birthday parties, and has never owned a cell phone in his life. He enjoys watching crows eat roadkill, writing down what other people say, and long walks on the beach. Or long walks in the desert. Or maybe not walking anywhere at all. In this unimportant collection of essays, Hoffmeister rants about pop culture, admits his obsession with carrots, and speaks dramatically in very ordinary moments.